It's been a long, fantastic break from work and real life. I went home last week for Thanksgiving and took the rest of my vacation this week. Tomorrow I have to go back. It's a weirdly bittersweet feeling. It's been 9 days without work. 9 days of family, friends, a long mind-numbingly ridiculous argument with my mother that kept circling back to the point we started, 2 6-hour drives, a broken car, and attempting to pack up some of my stuff for the big move. 9 days is nothing. But it feels like forever. Tomorrow I have to go back to work and I know that I'll be dealing with that weird, split personality feeling that I get at work where I both love my job and hate it. Where I feel tied down to the corporate world and where I find interest in some of my new responsibilities.
My original plan was to spend a good majority of my break searching for advertising/marketing, event planning, or non-profit jobs in Chicago. And to figure out my financial situation and how I'm going to make this move work in a few short weeks. And getting all of my non-essential items packed. Of course, as always, I didn't get half of that accomplished.
I'm really excited for this move. But for some reason, I'm also dragging my feet. I'm sad/scared to quit my job. It just feels reckless in this economy. Now that I'm thinking about leaving, it suddenly seems great. I'm really, really sad to say goodbye to my friends. I love my apartment. And my roommate. And being in my comfort zone. I'm really, really concerned about my financial situation and how I'm going to pay for everything. I'm scared I won't find a new job. I'm worried about making friends.
This is so unlike me. Normally I'm the first to plan and take a trip, or move away without a fear or care in the world. Maybe it's being older. Maybe it's all of the responsibilities I have now. Maybe the older you get the harder it is to leave the relationships you've made and maybe it's harder to start new ones. Maybe I'm just a huge bundle of stress, nervous and fear and I'll get it over it in a second. Who knows?
All I can tell you is that I feel extreme excitement and dread at the exact same time.
9 years ago
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3 comments:
Isn't feeling a whole bunch of conflicting feelings as once the strangest thing? It makes you feel insane!
The worst part is the time before a huge life change. Once the choice is made, everything is packed, and you're driving a u-haul to Chicago, I bet you'll feel better.
I would be feeling the same way. What I really want to do is quit my job and go back to school but all i think about is money money money. How will I pay for it? Will I get a job when I'm done? What if I suck? It's awful but I guess it's part of the process.
I would feel the same way as you, especially in today's society. You have to do what makes you happy, though. If moving to Chicago is going to make you happy then go for it and don't be afraid! It will all work out in the end. It always does...
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