Free Tots? Yes Please.

Anyone else read the Daily Candy? Of course you do. Well, check out the Chicago Weekend Guide this week.

Someone I know in Chicago pleeaase do the first one. Because it would be funny. And awesome to have a friend who could score free tator tots for a year.

MMM...tator tots. Gosh I miss Sonic. Nothing like a "happy hour" route 44 Diet coke and small tator tots for an afternoon snack!

Random Tidbits

Whew! Clearly wrote that last post in a bout of anger! Whoops...I usually try not to do that! While my feelings and frustrations are real, I want to stress how much I love my roomie. We've been friends for a very long time and while we've got our differences and are irritating the bleep our of each other, I'll always care about her. Here's hoping things get better and our lives start to feel more settled soon! Thanks for all of your encouraging words.

As I'm sure you know by now by my lack of posting about it, I did not get the job at the Marketing firm. I'm trying not to take it personally because the interview went well and my resume is in good shape. I know there are a lot of people out there competing for the same jobs so I'm just going to have to buckle down and try harder to find something! I'm still hoping to find something in Advertising/PR or Marketing, Event Planning or Communications. Keeping my fingers crossed and sending up some prayers!

Getting excited for spring in Chicago. Everyone keeps telling me how amazing it is here once it warms up. I'm really looking forward to busting out my bike and taking some rides lakeside. I'd also really like to get up to Michigan and Wisconsin to go for rides on some of their country trails. I've heard awesome things about them!

To my Chicago readers, do you have any suggestions for things I have to check out once Chicago thaws out?

I'm SO Over This

Ugh, I'm frustrated. No actually I'm pissed. On Monday, I applied for a job that I am perfect for. It was almost literally the same thing I was doing at the ad agency in Dallas. I have always been taught to follow up a few days later to confirm that the resume was recevieved and to make sure they didn't have any additional questions.

So today, I did just that. I called and asked to speak with the person that handled HR. I explained who I was and why I was calling. The receptionist transferred my call and a woman answered with "HELLO?" in a very aggressive tone. She did not identify herself in anyway. So I basically said "Hello, my name is ----- ------- and I'm calling to make sure the resume I submitted for the open position was received to see if there were any questions I could answer?" and she says: "No, not at all" and then silence...... Nothing. She did not ask my name for clarification purposes, did not ask me to confirm which position I was applying for, she literally had zero interest in why I was calling. So I quickly said "ok, thank you! Goodbye" and got off the phone.

And now I'm just annoyed. I was doing what you're supposed to do when you apply for jobs. You're supposed to call and follow up because otherwise your resume gets lost amonngst the thousands that are submitted. And that lady was flat out rude and uninterested. Uh, lady, why are you working in HR if you don't want to talk to job applicants? And if you don't want phone calls concerning open positions, then put that on the job posting!!!

What makes it worse, is that I feel like I am SO PERFECT for that job!

ARGH! This process is getting SO DAMN FRUSTRATING!!!! I just want a job already! (perferably one that I don't hate, but at this point I'd almost take whatever I can get....)

CHI-TOWN!

As of this week, I live in Chicago! It's the weirdest, most surreal feeling. In fact, it doesn't seem real. It's exciting and scary and wonderful. Right now, my roomie and I are just trying to get settled. We're still unpacking, and we have a million things left to do. I feel stressed because I still have to do all of that annoying stuff that requires tons of paperwork and long lines, like getting my car registered here and getting my driver's license. I plan on contacting the temp agency and getting to work next week, but for now we're still trying to get settled. We have yet to figure out the wireless internet, so posting will be sporadic at best for the next few days, but the plan is to be back next week.

I'm so looking forward to the future and can't wait to fill you in on all of my adventures and mishaps!

Peace Out 2008

Oh 2008, what a year. For me, '08 was a huge roller coaster with tons of ups and downs, twists and turns.

I had a lot of fun, and made some amazing memories. My "new" Dallas friendships have grown stronger. I felt more grown-up then I've ever felt. I was punched in the face with the realization that I have a ton of debt, and it will take me ages to pay it off. I worked a job in the industry that I dreamed of working in, only to find that it might not be what I want to do. My best pal moved far away. One friend got a divorce. A few others got married. My parents got one year older, and for the first time, I'm starting to see them as anything other than invincible, and have felt multiple stabs of fear that something might happen to them. I lost about 30 lbs. And gained back about 8 in the last two months (damn holidays). I've suffered from jealousy of all of my friends who have great, well-paying jobs, boyfriends/husbands, master's degrees, and no debt. I've grown in my spirituality and yet, I haven't been able to fully commit to my walk with Christ. I've prayed, cried, and pounded my fist in frustration. I've felt fear, and excitement, even elation. I'm about to embark on a huge adventure, symbolically I think, on the very first day of January.

Here's hoping that 2009 will a better year for us all. I'm looking at it as a rebuilding year. A year for starting over and re-focusing and changing my lifestyle to be more beneficial for my future.

May God bless you and yours on the eve of this New Year. Cheers to 2009!

Moving Day!

Well, it's here. The week of the big move. I fly out tomorrow afternoon for a quick night in Kansas City and my future roomie will pick me up on January 1 on her way and we will hit the road for Chicago. My dad will meet us up there with the moving truck early on January 2. We'll have a few days to try and unpack some stuff and then will be heading back to work 2 more weeks at our jobs.

I'm so excited. For right now, most of my nerves about not having a job have been suppressed with the utter joy of a new adventure about to happen. I've spent the last few days here at work doing next to nothing because I can't bring myself to be anything but overly excited to LEAVE this place which is making getting any work done practically impossible.

My actual last day in Dallas, January 16, will bittersweet. But right now, it's just sweet.

Resignation

Today was the big day. I had to come in this morning and give my notice of resignation. Honestly, I was terrified. I had no idea how they would react. Would they freak out and let me go immediately? Would they be kind and understanding? One can never tell.

Also running through my head was thoughts of should I really do this? Is it unwise to quit a decent enough job in this economy? Because once its done, its done.

Strangely enough I got a decent night's sleep last night. Getting ready this morning I felt fine. Driving to work I felt completely normal. I was even fine when I first got here. But when my boss walked in, my stomach immediately knotted up and I felt like throwing up. Quitting a job has never been pleasant, but this is the first career related job I've ever quit. It is a thousand times more important for this to end well.

I gathered my nerves, walked in, asked for a moment and sat down. And then, I teared up. Shocker of all shockers, I was actually sad to give notice! I didn't realize that as crazy and frustrating as this place has been, I've also enjoyed my time here. But that always happens to me, I never realize how great something is until I don't have it anymore.

Feeling intensely awkward for showing emotion, I swallowed hard and gave her the letter. Before she opened it, I told her why I was there. She was surprisingly kind and respectful. She told me she was very sorry to see me go, that I was doing such a good job, and that she was certain things would work out for me in the future. I was completely surprised at how quick and easy it went.

But I'm not done. I have to tell the president of our company and she can be a bit more on the emotional side. I'm afraid she'll take it personally and it might not go as smoothly. To say i'm NERVOUS is putting it mildly!

Say a prayer and cross your fingers for me that things will go fine!

Rude Awakening

I might be in for a rude awakening when I get to Chicago. Today in Dallas, the temperature dropped pretty rapidly in a few hours. It went from being in the mid 60's to about 39 degrees. On my way to the second job, it started sleeting pretty heavily. The wind was blowing like crazy. And I was freezing!

I usually have a good laugh at the Dallas folks because being from Kansas originally, where we have some pretty brutal and windy winters, I've got pretty thick skin compared to Texans. It hits like 60 degrees here and people are freezing and wearing coats. If it rains too hard people slow down to about 45 or 50 miles per hour on the highway. If there are light flurries, people absolutely flip out and don't go in to work until noon, or work and/or school is canceled all together. Pretty funny if you ask me because at home, work and/or school is NEVER canceled. You learn to drive in ice and snow. Sure you take it easy, but there is rarely a time when you can't make it to work.

But I must've been living here too long. Tonight I was shivering and freezing. So I think moving to Chicago in January is really going to be quite the shock to my system and will definitely take some getting used to.

Speaking of Chicago, I've pushed back my move by a few weeks. It turned out that I was going to be paying rent in both Chicago and Dallas for the month of January (which really sucks for my budget!) and I figured I might as well stay down here where I've actually got 2 jobs and make a little extra money before heading up to the Windy City where I do not have employment. The whole moving thing has become very stressful and quite the money suck. Logistics are a nightmare. I have to go back to Wichita for the holidays, then come back to Dallas for 3 days of work. Then fly back to Wichita to meet up with my dad, my future roomie and the moving truck to drive to Chicago to move in to our place. Then drive back to Wichita and fly back to Dallas to work for a few weeks. Then will drive back to Wichita, pick up the future roomie (who is also staying at her job for a few extra weeks), and drive the rest of the way to Chicago. Whew! I'm tired just thinking about it.

The money thing is killing me too. We found out last week that our landlord wanted the other half of the deposit (We only put down a 1/2 months rent deposit, $750, originally). We were under the impression that the $750 we put down was all that she required for a deposit. So we had to send in another $750 last weekend. We are also responsible for 1/2 of the rent in December and all of January. With the rent that I also have to pay here in Dallas for January that puts me at a grand total of $2,505 in the next two months. Add on to that credit card bills, student loans, car insurance, gas, utilities and I've got myself quite a bit of money that I'm going to owe. And since I'm living pay check to paycheck as it is, coming up with that money is seemingly impossible. I live in mortal fear that I won't be able to come up with the money and then I'll really be screwed.

I know once I get there it will be fantastic. It may be tough at first trying to find a job, or working a random job (as opposed to a career), but just getting out of Dallas and having a fresh new experience will be good for my soul. But the getting there and getting back on my feet is REALLY stressful. Ugh.

Any tips or suggestions for making the transition a bit smoother?

If anyone out there works in Media/Advertising/Marketing and/or Non-Profit and is aware of a job opening please let me know! I will happily apply!

9 Long Days

It's been a long, fantastic break from work and real life. I went home last week for Thanksgiving and took the rest of my vacation this week. Tomorrow I have to go back. It's a weirdly bittersweet feeling. It's been 9 days without work. 9 days of family, friends, a long mind-numbingly ridiculous argument with my mother that kept circling back to the point we started, 2 6-hour drives, a broken car, and attempting to pack up some of my stuff for the big move. 9 days is nothing. But it feels like forever. Tomorrow I have to go back to work and I know that I'll be dealing with that weird, split personality feeling that I get at work where I both love my job and hate it. Where I feel tied down to the corporate world and where I find interest in some of my new responsibilities.

My original plan was to spend a good majority of my break searching for advertising/marketing, event planning, or non-profit jobs in Chicago. And to figure out my financial situation and how I'm going to make this move work in a few short weeks. And getting all of my non-essential items packed. Of course, as always, I didn't get half of that accomplished.

I'm really excited for this move. But for some reason, I'm also dragging my feet. I'm sad/scared to quit my job. It just feels reckless in this economy. Now that I'm thinking about leaving, it suddenly seems great. I'm really, really sad to say goodbye to my friends. I love my apartment. And my roommate. And being in my comfort zone. I'm really, really concerned about my financial situation and how I'm going to pay for everything. I'm scared I won't find a new job. I'm worried about making friends.

This is so unlike me. Normally I'm the first to plan and take a trip, or move away without a fear or care in the world. Maybe it's being older. Maybe it's all of the responsibilities I have now. Maybe the older you get the harder it is to leave the relationships you've made and maybe it's harder to start new ones. Maybe I'm just a huge bundle of stress, nervous and fear and I'll get it over it in a second. Who knows?

All I can tell you is that I feel extreme excitement and dread at the exact same time.

Unbiased Opinion

Must apologize for my lack of posting. I have been absolutely swamped at work and when I get home I'm so tired I can barely think straight or even bother to lift my hand to change the channel with the remote let alone type up a blog post.

I'm also super stressed about the big move. I know that once I get there and get working things will be great but right now I'm living in mortal fear that I'm making a massive mistake by quitting my job (with the steady paycheck), and picking up and moving to a city where I don't have a job when I have massive debt and when the economy seems to be headed down rather than up. I have a temp agency lined up but by the time I get up there (1 month from now) there might not be any jobs left. And then I'd really be screwed!!! So I'm massively stressed/freaked out/sick to my stomach about that.

Anyone out there live in Chicago? And know someone who is looking to hire someone in advertising/media/marketing?!

Do you all think I'm insane for picking up and piecing out like this? Before you make your judgment know that I'm a wanderer. I love moving, traveling, and exploring new places. I'm not scared about the city itself or making new friends or anything along those lines. It's just the job/money thing that is really worrying me. My only other options are to a.) Stay in Dallas, continue at my low-paying job where my skills are way under-utilized and continue having to work the 2nd job to make ends meet or b.) move home to Kansas and live rent-free with my parents but have to find another job (to pay my debt down) with the intent to pick up and leave again in no more than a year. Please know that I will be miserable in Kansas. The city that my parents live in is great, if you didn't grow up there. It's one of those cities where most people never leave. You marry someone from high school and the same gossip swirls around. There are very few jobs in advertising and I certainly wouldn't get very far in my career. There is nothing to do other than eat out, drink, or go the movies with the occasional concert or play that might pop up. Everyone is married, or practically married. The guys left that are single are well...less than desirable. And Dallas, well, you read about my feelings on Dallas.

I need an good, honest, unbiased opinion. Do I move? Do I risk the no job thing to get to the city that I love with the hope that something will pop up? Or do I stay here for another year, underpaid, exhausted and partially miserable? Or do I move home and live with the 'rents, pay some bills, but be incredibly miserable and feel hugely unsuccessful for living with my parents at age 25?

For Which I'm Truly Grateful

In these uncertain times, I think it is absolutely essential that we take time out to realize and appreciate the blessings we do have in our lives. It's sad that it takes global economic and political upheaval and financial uncertainty to shake up our merry little worlds and make us stop to realize what good things we do have. I stumbled across this post which really makes a good point and puts things into prospective. Especially the following passage, which I think is a really interesting and thoughtful way to put things:

"As for what the world is coming to, I like to think about it like an Alcoholic loved one; someone who has allowed the darkness around to pull them down into a seemingly incurable malignancy, but who with a bit of self awareness, a willingness to see themselves as apart of something bigger, a systematic plan to make amends and deal head-on with the issues, will rise again and perhaps be far wiser and kinder, than had they never walked through the darkness."

I think we should all have a little list of the things in our life that are true blessings so that when things do get rough, and seem insurmountable, we can have a little look and realize that things are quite as bad as they could be.

Sometimes I long for the simpler time when friends and family and basic necessities were all that mattered. Remember reading Laura Ingalls Wilder books? When they celebrated Christmas, the children were absolutely delighted to receive a beautiful scarf, a small rag doll, some candy and fruit. They rejoiced in a bounty of food on the table that they grew/produced themselves and relished in the time spent with family and friends. They marveled at the wonder of nature and rested from their work to play in the snow. I recently read a wonderful book, Little Heathens by Mildred Armstrong Kalish, which really reiterated the lesson that I learned so long ago from the Laura Ingalls Wilder books. Life can be an absolute joy no matter how little you have and greater joy can be found in the things we create/grow/produce with our own hands.

Sometimes I get so disillusioned with all of the materialism that I see around me and that I myself am guilty of getting caught up in. Even as I write this, I can think of at least 10 unnecessary and frivolous things that I would be delighted to purchase. But so often I dream of living in a quaint small town where the latest fashion isn't all that important, where I don't have to have so many things. I love the city, and the excitement, and the fun, but sometimes a cozy little house, with a cozy little fireplace and kitchen and with a small little vegetable garden out back sounds so darn refreshing. Give me a comfy chair, a knit throw, a mug of tea or hot chocolate, a crackling fire, a book and a homegrown meal on my table and I would be content. Include in that picture a handsome, loving and kind husband and maybe a sweet little child or two and I think I could really enjoy living a simple life.

Anyway, I'd like to make a little list of the things I'm grateful and blessed to have in the hard times (and always):

1. Most important of all, a faith that keeps me grounded, gives me hope even in the worst of times, and that makes me feel loved

2. A loving and supportive family who is always there for me to fall back on. I know that if I ever get in over my head, my parents and brother will be there to bail me out, take me home and love me back to good again.

3. Amazing friends that continue to amaze me with their kindness and generosity. I love all of my friends for the different contributions they bring to my life. Hopefully I give back to them what they give to me.

4. A steady job (that I'm insanely about to give up to move...) with a steady paycheck.

5. The opportunity to have gone to and graduated from college to provide me the qualifications I'll need to find a new job when the time comes

6. The roof over my head. A bed and blankets and pillow to sleep comfortably at night. Food on my table. Clothing in my closet.

7. Feeling safe in my home and my neighborhood.

8. Good books to read, a pen and paper to write, music to listen to.

9. A healthy body and sound mind. Health insurance.

10. Living in a country where I'm free to voice my opinion, to live my life as a woman without oppression for my gender, and which allows me to work hard to achieve my dreams.

What are you grateful for? How have the hard times affected you, and made it easier for you to appreciate your blessings?

I'm Swooning Here...

Paris in the Winter by Grandy - Very busy...back soon!

I am head over heals, 100%, take my breath away in love with Paris. Sadly (VERY sadly), I've never been. But give me a Parisian scene, a travel show, book, article on Paris, a French movie (because really, I love France), a French Vogue, or anything resembling anything French and I'll swoon for sure.

Actually, I'm an equal opportunist. I'll take most of Europe. Give me Munich, and London, and Dublin and the Irish countryside, or Brussels, Prague, and Spain or of course Italy. I do love them all. (Love from afar...never been to Europe..sad..so very sad...) And of course, I love the wonderful places all over the great USA (so diverse in landscape and lifestyles!) But France, and Paris in particular, has such an old world, romantic, gritty, fashionable, livin' and lovin' life sort of feel, that I can't quite get over it.

I found this gorgeous scene (above) on Polyvore.com as I was searching other people's fun winter clothing creations and of course swooned a bit. This is kind of a "Just In Case You Were Wondering But Probably Really Don't Care" type of post. Thought I'd share with you anyway.....

What city makes you swoon?