Whine Fest 2009

I invite everyone to stop by my site and see my new layout. I'm obsessed with it! Best of all, it was free from The Cutest Blog On The Block. There is a link in the upper left hand corner if you'd like to get one for yourself.

Today I'm having a bit of a bad day. Really seems like this will be a rough week for me. This is the 2nd week I've had no temp work, and I'm climbing the walls with boredom and frustration. I'm becoming very discouraged with my job search, and making it worse, I don't know if want to do any of the work I'm actually qualified for. But since I'm short on cash and already have student loans burying me financially, more school isn't really an option for me right now.

Chicago is finally, FINALLY thawing out, and I'm excited to get out and do more in the city. That being said, I'm not really enjoying Chicago yet. I'm still in the transition phase, trying to make good friends, find my place here, etc. Having no income has severely limited my ability to do much and having no job is making me feel worthless.

I HATE to be such a complainer, but I'm just in a bad place right now. I'm trying so hard to relax and leave it all in God's hands, but it's hard. I'm angry and annoyed and bored and lonely.

TEMPING. MY LIFE.

Oh I Enjoy Being a Temp! (Sung to the tune of I Enjoy Being A Girl...I'd insert a music note or two if I could figure out how...)

One of my absolute biggest pet peeves as a frequent answerer of phone calls, is the person that launches into a really long, drawn-out, dramatic story of what they need, what they're selling, what is wrong, or why your company sucks without letting you get a word in for minutes at a time. Uh, excuse me, I'm just the operator (a temp at that!), I can't fix your problem, buy your product, or anything else for that matter.

I also really hate the angry person. The one who has decided that it is your personal fault that they have a problem. Again, just the operator here folks...I can transfer your call and that's about it!

Another thing I've noticed is the amount of people who ignore me completely. Don't mind me, just a new person sitting at the front desk as you coolly walk by, not acknowledging my presence. I have maybe spoken to 5 or so people total this week, and I've been here for 3 days!

What is there, some unwritten rule book for how to treat a temp in the office?
1.) Ignore temp at all times. Check.
2.) Unless of course you need to dump a massive stack of mail on their desk. Check.
3.) Avoid eye contact with temp. Check
4.) Stand at temp's desk chatting with other employees while not speaking or looking directly at the temp. Check.
5.) In the event of speaking with the temp, never under any circumstances, introduce yourself or ask for their name. Refer to them here on out as, "she'll only be here for a week" or "ahem. can you do....." or "hey there, you." Check. Check.
6.) Always assume that the temp is of course, completely stupid, and untrained in anything related to business. More than likely, they'll have never had much schooling at all. Check. Check. and Check.

Oh what a delight my life can be....I Enjoy Being a Temp!

Ahh Hell...

F WORD. I think I have this condition.

Unfulfilled

"...the cur of the highway which my dead end street abuts is constant. As I lay in bed awake, sometimes my heart begins to race, and I can’t get a deep breath, and I feel way too much. And wonder. And yearn. And long for something that remains beyond my now twenty-five year old understanding.

I lay awake for hours most nights, tossing and turning, wondering about my life. Have I made the right choices so far? What will the rest of my life be like? Is this it; is this really being an adult? How can I make just a little more money? What’s going to happen next? Am I really happy now, or will the future put this happiness to shame? Or, will future misery make this happiness seem even better in retrospect?

I also feel like there is something just below the surface of myself that remains untapped. The same potential that has plagued me all of my life is still swirling around, still waiting to be found. I know I can make a difference, a contribution, do something great, but I cannot figure out what it is or how to do it. I’ve been patient and dedicated, but still it eludes me. And in that regard, I feel unfulfilled."

I copied this quote from Cyndi at Just An Everyday Bitch because it is almost word for word what I would write if I could put my feelings to paper. Er....computer screen. Or whatever. But I'm in a similar place, wondering about the choices I've made, the debts I've got, and where I'm heading.

I'm so unfulfilled and I don't know how or what to do about it. I feel like I have this great untapped potential in me, but I don't know how to access it. Or put it to good use should I ever get to it. I look at all of my peers, successful in their lives with good jobs, husbands, kids, fabulous opportunities and most of all, contentment. Happiness. And I wonder how in the world do I find that? How do I get there? I feel like I'm aimless and wandering and not at all living up to my potential. I feel lonely. I feel like I'm waiting to do all of the things I've dreamed of -- traveling, climbing mountains, experiencing various cultures, going back to school, dancing and singing and living a quirky free-spirited life, etc. -- until I've got more money, more stability, or a "soul mate" in either the form of a best friend or a significant other.

What is holding me back? And how do I change?

Questions I ask myself every single day.

Working 9-5, but Just for Today

It’s Friday! For all of you busy employed workers, it’s the end of the week and you’re probably taking it easy, relaxing in your business casual, chatting with co-workers about the upcoming weekend. For me, it feels a bit like a Monday. Today is the Day of the Temp Job.

This morning did not start off well. First off, I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. I’m not sure if I tried to go to bed too early (I’ve been staying up late and sleeping in a bit lately) and my body wasn’t used to it, or if I was nervous, or what the problem was. Whatever the case was, I felt like I was awake for pretty much the whole night. You know that feeling when you’re half asleep and half awake? That is the kind of sleeping I did last night. My alarm went off irritatingly early at 5:30am. Sadly, it takes about 45 minutes for me to get downtown, so I had to start about an hour earlier than I’m normally used to getting up for work. I remember in Dallas, when I was commuting out to the suburbs in the morning I used to look at the stand-still traffic in the inbound lanes and think “Haha, Suckers!” because it had to take at least an hour to get downtown. Today, that was me. Luckily, I got on the train far enough north that I was able to snag a seat but at each stop people kept jamming themselves in the car until there was barely any room to move. It was driving me crazy because the more people that jammed in there, the worse it started to smell. That gross I’ve been walking for a bit outside/wet woolen coat smell.
But lucky for me, I made it to the building on time, which made my morning quite a bit better. As a matter of fact, I was early. Score one for me. If I have one work related (more like life related, come to think about it) fault, it is that I tend to run a bit late. But not today! :)

So I’m here. And it feels nice to be working again. Granted, today I’m an all out corporate receptionist. I may have complained while working at the ad agency of being a glorified receptionist, but after working here for a bit, I’m realizing that I did A LOT more than just answer a few phones there. Because here, I’m legitimately just answering phones. And checking in guests. But that is it. Nothing else. Not making coffee or making copies (which is fine by me!) Not doing the grunt work for anyone else. Just answering a phone call or 10. And yes, I’m just a temp so they probably wouldn’t bring up anything for me to work on, but from what I can tell, this person’s normal job description is to be the general receptionist. Which is fine by me. It’s kind of nice to not be stressed with huge piles of work or profuse deadlines.

So this company is huge and very professional. I’m used to working for the ad agency and at a trendy boutique hotel, so I’m not quite accustomed to the system they’ve got going here. I’m out in a huge lobby by myself. The offices are closed off behind me. You have to have special clearance to even access the offices. Each department has their own admin that fields their calls, so I’m pretty much the general operator. It’s weird. I have zero supervision up here. Luckily, everyone has been really nice so far. But even still, temping is definitely going to be an interesting experience.

Working at this huge professional company downtown has me thinking about what type of job I’m looking for. I have been pretty much applying for any Marketing Associate/Ad Agency Account Assistant position that I can find, but I’m really starting to question whether or not I want to remain in business. I’m trying to think about what I really like about corporate or business related jobs. And so far, here’s what I can come up with:
· I love getting dressed up in business clothes
· I love commuting on the train
· I love coming downtown
· I love feeling “important” enough to get to wear cute business clothes and work downtown
· I love going out on lunch breaks with co-workers and complaining about annoying customers
· I love having a desk and/or a cubicle to decorate
· I love having business cards with my name on them

And what I hate:
· Being scared of screwing something up
· Being scared of/annoyed with/hating my boss
· Frustrating clients/customers that are so rude or just don’t get it
· Being stressed out about work outside of work (Or taking work home with me)
· Being micro-managed
· Staring at a computer all day
· Not being allowed to have a flexible schedule
· Anything related to sales or financial statements/budgets
· BEING BORED
· Feeling like my job has no more meaning than to make “The Company” rich.

So looking at both lists, I see that the stuff I love is just the silly small stuff that comes along with a corporate job. The other list is pretty much the job description.

This is frustrating because my degree is in Marketing. I’ve worked for an advertising agency and the hospitality industry for a few years. It seems financially daunting to go back to school considering I’ve got a gazillion dollars in student loans already and a few credit card bills rolling in. (Gulp!) But it seems just as daunting to have to work at something that I dislike for the rest of my life.

I’m probably just being cranky, and not working for about a month has made me soft and idealistic and full of dreams. Hopefully I’ll luck out and score a permanent position somewhere that has a fun, creative, relaxed vibe and I’ll be happy to continue working in business. But the job descriptions I’m reading now make my stomach hurt.

It’s only 11:30? Unbelievable. I don’t know if this day could go any slower. But yay! At least I’m working!

I'm SO Over This

Ugh, I'm frustrated. No actually I'm pissed. On Monday, I applied for a job that I am perfect for. It was almost literally the same thing I was doing at the ad agency in Dallas. I have always been taught to follow up a few days later to confirm that the resume was recevieved and to make sure they didn't have any additional questions.

So today, I did just that. I called and asked to speak with the person that handled HR. I explained who I was and why I was calling. The receptionist transferred my call and a woman answered with "HELLO?" in a very aggressive tone. She did not identify herself in anyway. So I basically said "Hello, my name is ----- ------- and I'm calling to make sure the resume I submitted for the open position was received to see if there were any questions I could answer?" and she says: "No, not at all" and then silence...... Nothing. She did not ask my name for clarification purposes, did not ask me to confirm which position I was applying for, she literally had zero interest in why I was calling. So I quickly said "ok, thank you! Goodbye" and got off the phone.

And now I'm just annoyed. I was doing what you're supposed to do when you apply for jobs. You're supposed to call and follow up because otherwise your resume gets lost amonngst the thousands that are submitted. And that lady was flat out rude and uninterested. Uh, lady, why are you working in HR if you don't want to talk to job applicants? And if you don't want phone calls concerning open positions, then put that on the job posting!!!

What makes it worse, is that I feel like I am SO PERFECT for that job!

ARGH! This process is getting SO DAMN FRUSTRATING!!!! I just want a job already! (perferably one that I don't hate, but at this point I'd almost take whatever I can get....)

A Teeny Paycheck Coming My Way!

Good News: I got a job! Ok, nothing to get excited about, it's just a temp job for 1 and a half days but thank the Lord, I get to leave my house in work clothes, go downtown and mingle amoungst the employed!! I'm excited about that. I'm slightly stressed about the awkwardness that is temping, being that I'll be the front receptionist at a HUGE, UBER-PROFESSIONAL company where I don't know a single person. But whatev, if I screw up, I guess I'll never see them again, right?!

More Good News: It's slightly warmer outside today. It gives me the hope of Spring approaching.

Bad News: Somehow the program that allows me to upload photos from my camera to my computer has uninstalled itself and I have no idea how to get it back since the disk that came with the camera is long gone. So no fun pics to share for a while....

CHI-TOWN!

As of this week, I live in Chicago! It's the weirdest, most surreal feeling. In fact, it doesn't seem real. It's exciting and scary and wonderful. Right now, my roomie and I are just trying to get settled. We're still unpacking, and we have a million things left to do. I feel stressed because I still have to do all of that annoying stuff that requires tons of paperwork and long lines, like getting my car registered here and getting my driver's license. I plan on contacting the temp agency and getting to work next week, but for now we're still trying to get settled. We have yet to figure out the wireless internet, so posting will be sporadic at best for the next few days, but the plan is to be back next week.

I'm so looking forward to the future and can't wait to fill you in on all of my adventures and mishaps!

Moving's a Bitch! But Sort of Exciting..

Obviously, I'm neglecting the blog as of late. I've been working hard (well, working at least....), trying to get moved out, cleaned up and ready for the big transition to Chicago and trying to spend as much time with my friends as possible. I'm really going to miss the Big D. Surprisingly enough.

Anywho, in my absence, I received an award from the lovely Bon Don of Who Throws a Cupcake? Honestly. Which is very thrilling, as it is my first award here at On My Merry Way. Thanks for that mamn! I'll get that posted and passed along as soon as I find a bit more time.

This morning is my last day here at the hotel. Which, as with this whole move, is bittersweet. I'm elated to (hopefully) never have to deal with another ridiculous over the top spoiled guest again. And doubly elated (again, hopefully) to never have to work another weekend again. But I'm sad to leave this company, because in my (short) experience, it is such an incredible company to work for. Hugely supportive, lots of amenities and benefits, very fun-loving and laid back, and opportunity for growth abounds. If I had any desire to remain in hospitality (which, as of now, I really don't), I would want to stay with Kimpton Hotels forever. The "work crew" that I've had the pleasure of working with here is so great. Very unique, diverse and crazily fun. Two of my very best friends came to me via the hotel. To say I'm sad to leave them all, is putting it mildly.

I wish I could say the same for the ad agency (my regular 9-5), but I can't. The people there aren't terrible or anything, but save for one nice girl, I really won't miss anyone. I won't miss the work environment at all. I'm very grateful to them for giving me my first "career" like job out of college (the hotel was just an extra money maker for me), but the environment was very negative, accusatory, each-man-for-himself, and had no room for much growth. I am however, saddened to leave my regular paycheck behind for months of temping as I search for a new job in Chicago, but I'm ready to get out of that agency!

My last week here is chalk full of activities as I prepare to say my goodbyes to the Dallas pals on Friday. Somewhere in there I need to remember to cancel my Direct TV (and pray to the high heavens that they won't charge me the prorated amount for my contract), cancel my internet, clean up the apartment, fill in the holes in the walls from all of the pictures that were hung, and do all of that other time consuming stuff that comes along with moving. It's going to be kinda crazy trying to fit that stuff in while working at the agency and spending the nights hanging with friends.

Please stick with me as I make this move. I'll be in and out for the next 2 weeks as I get settled in Chicago, and try and get internet up and running. Don't leave me! I'll be back I promise, probably with tons of entertainment as I will be temping and job searching, which has the potential to provide lots to laugh (and maybe cry) about.

Peace Out 2008

Oh 2008, what a year. For me, '08 was a huge roller coaster with tons of ups and downs, twists and turns.

I had a lot of fun, and made some amazing memories. My "new" Dallas friendships have grown stronger. I felt more grown-up then I've ever felt. I was punched in the face with the realization that I have a ton of debt, and it will take me ages to pay it off. I worked a job in the industry that I dreamed of working in, only to find that it might not be what I want to do. My best pal moved far away. One friend got a divorce. A few others got married. My parents got one year older, and for the first time, I'm starting to see them as anything other than invincible, and have felt multiple stabs of fear that something might happen to them. I lost about 30 lbs. And gained back about 8 in the last two months (damn holidays). I've suffered from jealousy of all of my friends who have great, well-paying jobs, boyfriends/husbands, master's degrees, and no debt. I've grown in my spirituality and yet, I haven't been able to fully commit to my walk with Christ. I've prayed, cried, and pounded my fist in frustration. I've felt fear, and excitement, even elation. I'm about to embark on a huge adventure, symbolically I think, on the very first day of January.

Here's hoping that 2009 will a better year for us all. I'm looking at it as a rebuilding year. A year for starting over and re-focusing and changing my lifestyle to be more beneficial for my future.

May God bless you and yours on the eve of this New Year. Cheers to 2009!

Bringing You Up to Speed

Ok, a little background on my life and what not. I'm 24. I graduated from Kansas State University two years ago come December. I immediately picked up and moved to Dallas on whim 1 month after graduation to live with an acquaintance that I sort of knew from high school. She needed a roommate, I needed a new life, it seemed like the perfect fit. It wasn't. Oh man, it really really wasn't. Long story short, she was a crazy perfectionist and yet, weirdly not perfect and was completely inconsiderate. I seriously wish for your entertainment and for my sanity I would've been blogging back then because the girl was crazy. And unreasonable. And ridiculous in every way. I could go on, but whatever, that's over and done with. Thank the Lord.

I also took a job at a a fancy boutique hotel to pay the bills as I searched for the perfect ad agency job I'd envisioned while I was in college. The hotel was near Southern Methodist University and in Highland Park, one of the most snooty and pretentious neighborhoods in Dallas. And that's saying a lot because if you asked me for one word to describe Dallas, I'd say Massively Snotty with a HUGE Stick Up It's Ass. (Yes, that's actually 9 words and yes, it absolutely must be capitalized.) Oh girl, the stories I could tell. If you ever wish to see grown men and women regress back to childhood, work at an upscale hotel. No kidding. I'm talking temper tantrums, name-calling, tears, threats, and the inability to do ANYTHING for themselves including but not limited to cleaning up the dog poop their precious Muffy left on the lobby floor, turning on the television, getting something they left in the car, paying their bill etc. etc. etc.

In case you're wondering, nothing is anonymous at a hotel. We know when you ordered porn. And we know exactly which porn you ordered. We know when you're having an affair with your co-worker. And when you bring in a prostitute (yes, it happens all the time). We know when you're doing drugs. And we know that you're the one that left that obscene mess and your dirty underwear (ewe!) in the men's bathroom. We see celebrities all the time. Some are delightful. Many are ridiculous assholes. But we know it all. Someone should seriously write a book about working in a hotel. Again for your entertainment I really wish I would've been blogging back then. I could seriously have written a whole themed blog on the ridiculousness of the "Nouveau Riche". Lucky for you, I actually do still work there part time answering some phones to earn a little extra cash, so maybe I'll have a good story to tell from time to time.

Ok, so, about 4 or 5 months in to working at the hotel I was going crazy and honestly thought I might reach across the front desk and strangle one of the temper tantrum throwing 5-year olds adult guests when I realized, "hey, didn't you go to college and dream of working in advertising? why the h-e-double hockey sticks are you working here?" (how'd ya like that little blast from the past? h-e-double hockey sticks. oh yeah, i've got a ton of those where that came from....) So I stepped up my game, got back on the job search wagon and frantically tried to find a job at advertising agency. As you may know, those are hard to come by. Especially entry-level ad jobs. Everyone thinks they want to work at an advertising agency. Seems so trendy and posh. And fun. (If they only knew...)

Lo and behold, I ended up stumbling across an open position at a small ad agency. I had two interviews, got the job, and my dream was realized. My new title? Advertising Assistant. Oh I should've known right then that they really meant Office Bitch Who We Sometimes Let do Advertising Stuff Just To Keep You Here. But I didn't and I happily accepted the position for way too little pay just to get my foot in the freaking door.

So here I am, 1 year and 4 months later, still an Advertising Assistant making next to nothing. I will say I've learned a lot, for which I'm greatful. I will also so say that I feel like I'm much smarter and more capable than that job allows me to be, that I work really hard for little recognition and pay and that more than anything I'm BORED. Part of me worries that it's the industry that I actually don't like. But another part of me argues that it's just this job and this company and I should give the industry one more chance. Not sure what exactly I'm going to do in the future, so I'm just letting it play out for now.

Also, I'm over Dallas. And it's just not me. Not my personality at all. I'm more of an Austin sort of gal. But it's too hot and humid down there, so that won't work. Anyway, I'm not bashing Dallas (well, not too much) but I'm just sick of having to dress up to go to Target, and spending tons of money I don't have just to fit in, and driving, driving, driving everywhere. I'm sick of the horrendous pollution, the ridiculous traffic, the "I'm better then you in every way, just look at my BMW and Jimmy Choos and by the way, I'm just a secretary with a $25,000 salary, thank goodness for Daddy and my credit cards" sort of attitude. I'm sick of the fake boobs (did you know that second only to LA, Dallas has more plastic surgeons than anywhere else in the country?), the Cougars, the douchey douche-bag, Ken doll, Fraty McFraterson guys who won't look twice at me because I'm not 5'4", size 0, blonde-haired trendster that I need to be to be accepted as an appropriate Texas girl. I'm SO sick of the materialism, the Republican till we die mentality, the Texas is better than ANYWHERE in the world, the anti-green, anti-save the world, drive our SUVs to the house next door, Hook 'Em Horns people that overrun this city.

So, that being said, I'm moving. I'm moving to Chicago. At the end of December. (Yes, I know it's dead in the middle of winter. I guess I just might be a bit crazy) And I couldn't be anymore excited. And scared. But really excited.

Now, if you're Texan, and you live in Dallas, please don't take offense. Texas has many a redeeming quality. As much as it drives me crazy, I actually do love the pride that Texas has for itself. I love the rough and tumble rancher meets the city sort of guy. I love country music and now, thanks to Texas, I don't mind going two-stepping from time to time. I love the Hill Country, and Austin, and the blue bonnet. And Blue Bell ice cream. And the shopping. Oh the shopping. The Big D has some phenom shopping. And thanks to Dallas, I've become sort of a foodie. I now love feasting on international goodness from all over the world. What will I ever do without Central Market? I love that Dallas is full of fun activities to do at all times. I'll really miss Addison, and Fort Worth, and Ikea. Most of all, I'll miss my beloved friends. I have been oh-so-blessed to meet some amazing people and it hurts my heart a bit to know that I might not see them again.

So there you have it. My Big News. I'm moving to Chicago. I've been dying to tell all my readers at the other blog, but since I haven't given notice to my work yet I can't. I feel bad, dropping the big "I quit" bomb right before the holidays, but I know if I tell them now they'll just let me go right away. And I need the $$.

Anywho, now that you've read the Longest Life Story in Blog History, I hope you'll swing by from time to time. I'll need loads of love and encouragement as I take this big step. And if you think I'm crazy, then tell me that too. (nicely please!)