Whine Fest 2009

I invite everyone to stop by my site and see my new layout. I'm obsessed with it! Best of all, it was free from The Cutest Blog On The Block. There is a link in the upper left hand corner if you'd like to get one for yourself.

Today I'm having a bit of a bad day. Really seems like this will be a rough week for me. This is the 2nd week I've had no temp work, and I'm climbing the walls with boredom and frustration. I'm becoming very discouraged with my job search, and making it worse, I don't know if want to do any of the work I'm actually qualified for. But since I'm short on cash and already have student loans burying me financially, more school isn't really an option for me right now.

Chicago is finally, FINALLY thawing out, and I'm excited to get out and do more in the city. That being said, I'm not really enjoying Chicago yet. I'm still in the transition phase, trying to make good friends, find my place here, etc. Having no income has severely limited my ability to do much and having no job is making me feel worthless.

I HATE to be such a complainer, but I'm just in a bad place right now. I'm trying so hard to relax and leave it all in God's hands, but it's hard. I'm angry and annoyed and bored and lonely.

TEMPING. MY LIFE.

Oh I Enjoy Being a Temp! (Sung to the tune of I Enjoy Being A Girl...I'd insert a music note or two if I could figure out how...)

One of my absolute biggest pet peeves as a frequent answerer of phone calls, is the person that launches into a really long, drawn-out, dramatic story of what they need, what they're selling, what is wrong, or why your company sucks without letting you get a word in for minutes at a time. Uh, excuse me, I'm just the operator (a temp at that!), I can't fix your problem, buy your product, or anything else for that matter.

I also really hate the angry person. The one who has decided that it is your personal fault that they have a problem. Again, just the operator here folks...I can transfer your call and that's about it!

Another thing I've noticed is the amount of people who ignore me completely. Don't mind me, just a new person sitting at the front desk as you coolly walk by, not acknowledging my presence. I have maybe spoken to 5 or so people total this week, and I've been here for 3 days!

What is there, some unwritten rule book for how to treat a temp in the office?
1.) Ignore temp at all times. Check.
2.) Unless of course you need to dump a massive stack of mail on their desk. Check.
3.) Avoid eye contact with temp. Check
4.) Stand at temp's desk chatting with other employees while not speaking or looking directly at the temp. Check.
5.) In the event of speaking with the temp, never under any circumstances, introduce yourself or ask for their name. Refer to them here on out as, "she'll only be here for a week" or "ahem. can you do....." or "hey there, you." Check. Check.
6.) Always assume that the temp is of course, completely stupid, and untrained in anything related to business. More than likely, they'll have never had much schooling at all. Check. Check. and Check.

Oh what a delight my life can be....I Enjoy Being a Temp!

Unfulfilled

"...the cur of the highway which my dead end street abuts is constant. As I lay in bed awake, sometimes my heart begins to race, and I can’t get a deep breath, and I feel way too much. And wonder. And yearn. And long for something that remains beyond my now twenty-five year old understanding.

I lay awake for hours most nights, tossing and turning, wondering about my life. Have I made the right choices so far? What will the rest of my life be like? Is this it; is this really being an adult? How can I make just a little more money? What’s going to happen next? Am I really happy now, or will the future put this happiness to shame? Or, will future misery make this happiness seem even better in retrospect?

I also feel like there is something just below the surface of myself that remains untapped. The same potential that has plagued me all of my life is still swirling around, still waiting to be found. I know I can make a difference, a contribution, do something great, but I cannot figure out what it is or how to do it. I’ve been patient and dedicated, but still it eludes me. And in that regard, I feel unfulfilled."

I copied this quote from Cyndi at Just An Everyday Bitch because it is almost word for word what I would write if I could put my feelings to paper. Er....computer screen. Or whatever. But I'm in a similar place, wondering about the choices I've made, the debts I've got, and where I'm heading.

I'm so unfulfilled and I don't know how or what to do about it. I feel like I have this great untapped potential in me, but I don't know how to access it. Or put it to good use should I ever get to it. I look at all of my peers, successful in their lives with good jobs, husbands, kids, fabulous opportunities and most of all, contentment. Happiness. And I wonder how in the world do I find that? How do I get there? I feel like I'm aimless and wandering and not at all living up to my potential. I feel lonely. I feel like I'm waiting to do all of the things I've dreamed of -- traveling, climbing mountains, experiencing various cultures, going back to school, dancing and singing and living a quirky free-spirited life, etc. -- until I've got more money, more stability, or a "soul mate" in either the form of a best friend or a significant other.

What is holding me back? And how do I change?

Questions I ask myself every single day.

I'm SO Over This

Ugh, I'm frustrated. No actually I'm pissed. On Monday, I applied for a job that I am perfect for. It was almost literally the same thing I was doing at the ad agency in Dallas. I have always been taught to follow up a few days later to confirm that the resume was recevieved and to make sure they didn't have any additional questions.

So today, I did just that. I called and asked to speak with the person that handled HR. I explained who I was and why I was calling. The receptionist transferred my call and a woman answered with "HELLO?" in a very aggressive tone. She did not identify herself in anyway. So I basically said "Hello, my name is ----- ------- and I'm calling to make sure the resume I submitted for the open position was received to see if there were any questions I could answer?" and she says: "No, not at all" and then silence...... Nothing. She did not ask my name for clarification purposes, did not ask me to confirm which position I was applying for, she literally had zero interest in why I was calling. So I quickly said "ok, thank you! Goodbye" and got off the phone.

And now I'm just annoyed. I was doing what you're supposed to do when you apply for jobs. You're supposed to call and follow up because otherwise your resume gets lost amonngst the thousands that are submitted. And that lady was flat out rude and uninterested. Uh, lady, why are you working in HR if you don't want to talk to job applicants? And if you don't want phone calls concerning open positions, then put that on the job posting!!!

What makes it worse, is that I feel like I am SO PERFECT for that job!

ARGH! This process is getting SO DAMN FRUSTRATING!!!! I just want a job already! (perferably one that I don't hate, but at this point I'd almost take whatever I can get....)

Moving's a Bitch! But Sort of Exciting..

Obviously, I'm neglecting the blog as of late. I've been working hard (well, working at least....), trying to get moved out, cleaned up and ready for the big transition to Chicago and trying to spend as much time with my friends as possible. I'm really going to miss the Big D. Surprisingly enough.

Anywho, in my absence, I received an award from the lovely Bon Don of Who Throws a Cupcake? Honestly. Which is very thrilling, as it is my first award here at On My Merry Way. Thanks for that mamn! I'll get that posted and passed along as soon as I find a bit more time.

This morning is my last day here at the hotel. Which, as with this whole move, is bittersweet. I'm elated to (hopefully) never have to deal with another ridiculous over the top spoiled guest again. And doubly elated (again, hopefully) to never have to work another weekend again. But I'm sad to leave this company, because in my (short) experience, it is such an incredible company to work for. Hugely supportive, lots of amenities and benefits, very fun-loving and laid back, and opportunity for growth abounds. If I had any desire to remain in hospitality (which, as of now, I really don't), I would want to stay with Kimpton Hotels forever. The "work crew" that I've had the pleasure of working with here is so great. Very unique, diverse and crazily fun. Two of my very best friends came to me via the hotel. To say I'm sad to leave them all, is putting it mildly.

I wish I could say the same for the ad agency (my regular 9-5), but I can't. The people there aren't terrible or anything, but save for one nice girl, I really won't miss anyone. I won't miss the work environment at all. I'm very grateful to them for giving me my first "career" like job out of college (the hotel was just an extra money maker for me), but the environment was very negative, accusatory, each-man-for-himself, and had no room for much growth. I am however, saddened to leave my regular paycheck behind for months of temping as I search for a new job in Chicago, but I'm ready to get out of that agency!

My last week here is chalk full of activities as I prepare to say my goodbyes to the Dallas pals on Friday. Somewhere in there I need to remember to cancel my Direct TV (and pray to the high heavens that they won't charge me the prorated amount for my contract), cancel my internet, clean up the apartment, fill in the holes in the walls from all of the pictures that were hung, and do all of that other time consuming stuff that comes along with moving. It's going to be kinda crazy trying to fit that stuff in while working at the agency and spending the nights hanging with friends.

Please stick with me as I make this move. I'll be in and out for the next 2 weeks as I get settled in Chicago, and try and get internet up and running. Don't leave me! I'll be back I promise, probably with tons of entertainment as I will be temping and job searching, which has the potential to provide lots to laugh (and maybe cry) about.

Resignation

Today was the big day. I had to come in this morning and give my notice of resignation. Honestly, I was terrified. I had no idea how they would react. Would they freak out and let me go immediately? Would they be kind and understanding? One can never tell.

Also running through my head was thoughts of should I really do this? Is it unwise to quit a decent enough job in this economy? Because once its done, its done.

Strangely enough I got a decent night's sleep last night. Getting ready this morning I felt fine. Driving to work I felt completely normal. I was even fine when I first got here. But when my boss walked in, my stomach immediately knotted up and I felt like throwing up. Quitting a job has never been pleasant, but this is the first career related job I've ever quit. It is a thousand times more important for this to end well.

I gathered my nerves, walked in, asked for a moment and sat down. And then, I teared up. Shocker of all shockers, I was actually sad to give notice! I didn't realize that as crazy and frustrating as this place has been, I've also enjoyed my time here. But that always happens to me, I never realize how great something is until I don't have it anymore.

Feeling intensely awkward for showing emotion, I swallowed hard and gave her the letter. Before she opened it, I told her why I was there. She was surprisingly kind and respectful. She told me she was very sorry to see me go, that I was doing such a good job, and that she was certain things would work out for me in the future. I was completely surprised at how quick and easy it went.

But I'm not done. I have to tell the president of our company and she can be a bit more on the emotional side. I'm afraid she'll take it personally and it might not go as smoothly. To say i'm NERVOUS is putting it mildly!

Say a prayer and cross your fingers for me that things will go fine!

Jealousy is the Worst

Do any of you have those friends who lives are seemingly perfect in every way? Where things just seem to fall in their laps? The ones who's lives just make yours seem so lonely and mundane? And just not successful?


I have a dear friend who is married to a WONDERFUL man who loves her so dearly. She got a pretty decent job right out of college. And when she realized she didn't like that job, her company promoted her to a fantastic job that suits her personality perfectly. She makes pretty good money for being only 2 years out of college. And she keeps getting these opportunites through her job to meet top people in her industry. To travel all over. To get to work with wonderful non-profit organizations. Everyone loves her. EVERYONE. I seriously don't know one person that doesn't love her. I don't know one thing that she's done that hasn't turned out so perfectly for her. Every project she does makes her bosses, co-workers, co-organizers, friends, family, or whoever else fall more in love with her. She works hard, but things still just seem to come so easily to her.

I HATE that I feel this way. But eveytime she has a new phenomenal experience, I feel a tiny stab of jealosy. I want nothing but the best for her. She deserves it all. But it just hurts because I feel like my life is just so far from that. I don't know what else to do differently. Like I said, I want her to be happy and definitely don't want her to not have great things happen, but sometimes, it's just hard to hear about another victory.

I feel so selfish and guilty and I would just die if she ever knew I felt this way sometimes. We're very close friends and I think it would hurt her terribly to know that I have these thoughts.

Ugh, just had to get this off of my chest.

Rude Awakening

I might be in for a rude awakening when I get to Chicago. Today in Dallas, the temperature dropped pretty rapidly in a few hours. It went from being in the mid 60's to about 39 degrees. On my way to the second job, it started sleeting pretty heavily. The wind was blowing like crazy. And I was freezing!

I usually have a good laugh at the Dallas folks because being from Kansas originally, where we have some pretty brutal and windy winters, I've got pretty thick skin compared to Texans. It hits like 60 degrees here and people are freezing and wearing coats. If it rains too hard people slow down to about 45 or 50 miles per hour on the highway. If there are light flurries, people absolutely flip out and don't go in to work until noon, or work and/or school is canceled all together. Pretty funny if you ask me because at home, work and/or school is NEVER canceled. You learn to drive in ice and snow. Sure you take it easy, but there is rarely a time when you can't make it to work.

But I must've been living here too long. Tonight I was shivering and freezing. So I think moving to Chicago in January is really going to be quite the shock to my system and will definitely take some getting used to.

Speaking of Chicago, I've pushed back my move by a few weeks. It turned out that I was going to be paying rent in both Chicago and Dallas for the month of January (which really sucks for my budget!) and I figured I might as well stay down here where I've actually got 2 jobs and make a little extra money before heading up to the Windy City where I do not have employment. The whole moving thing has become very stressful and quite the money suck. Logistics are a nightmare. I have to go back to Wichita for the holidays, then come back to Dallas for 3 days of work. Then fly back to Wichita to meet up with my dad, my future roomie and the moving truck to drive to Chicago to move in to our place. Then drive back to Wichita and fly back to Dallas to work for a few weeks. Then will drive back to Wichita, pick up the future roomie (who is also staying at her job for a few extra weeks), and drive the rest of the way to Chicago. Whew! I'm tired just thinking about it.

The money thing is killing me too. We found out last week that our landlord wanted the other half of the deposit (We only put down a 1/2 months rent deposit, $750, originally). We were under the impression that the $750 we put down was all that she required for a deposit. So we had to send in another $750 last weekend. We are also responsible for 1/2 of the rent in December and all of January. With the rent that I also have to pay here in Dallas for January that puts me at a grand total of $2,505 in the next two months. Add on to that credit card bills, student loans, car insurance, gas, utilities and I've got myself quite a bit of money that I'm going to owe. And since I'm living pay check to paycheck as it is, coming up with that money is seemingly impossible. I live in mortal fear that I won't be able to come up with the money and then I'll really be screwed.

I know once I get there it will be fantastic. It may be tough at first trying to find a job, or working a random job (as opposed to a career), but just getting out of Dallas and having a fresh new experience will be good for my soul. But the getting there and getting back on my feet is REALLY stressful. Ugh.

Any tips or suggestions for making the transition a bit smoother?

If anyone out there works in Media/Advertising/Marketing and/or Non-Profit and is aware of a job opening please let me know! I will happily apply!

9 Long Days

It's been a long, fantastic break from work and real life. I went home last week for Thanksgiving and took the rest of my vacation this week. Tomorrow I have to go back. It's a weirdly bittersweet feeling. It's been 9 days without work. 9 days of family, friends, a long mind-numbingly ridiculous argument with my mother that kept circling back to the point we started, 2 6-hour drives, a broken car, and attempting to pack up some of my stuff for the big move. 9 days is nothing. But it feels like forever. Tomorrow I have to go back to work and I know that I'll be dealing with that weird, split personality feeling that I get at work where I both love my job and hate it. Where I feel tied down to the corporate world and where I find interest in some of my new responsibilities.

My original plan was to spend a good majority of my break searching for advertising/marketing, event planning, or non-profit jobs in Chicago. And to figure out my financial situation and how I'm going to make this move work in a few short weeks. And getting all of my non-essential items packed. Of course, as always, I didn't get half of that accomplished.

I'm really excited for this move. But for some reason, I'm also dragging my feet. I'm sad/scared to quit my job. It just feels reckless in this economy. Now that I'm thinking about leaving, it suddenly seems great. I'm really, really sad to say goodbye to my friends. I love my apartment. And my roommate. And being in my comfort zone. I'm really, really concerned about my financial situation and how I'm going to pay for everything. I'm scared I won't find a new job. I'm worried about making friends.

This is so unlike me. Normally I'm the first to plan and take a trip, or move away without a fear or care in the world. Maybe it's being older. Maybe it's all of the responsibilities I have now. Maybe the older you get the harder it is to leave the relationships you've made and maybe it's harder to start new ones. Maybe I'm just a huge bundle of stress, nervous and fear and I'll get it over it in a second. Who knows?

All I can tell you is that I feel extreme excitement and dread at the exact same time.

Unbiased Opinion

Must apologize for my lack of posting. I have been absolutely swamped at work and when I get home I'm so tired I can barely think straight or even bother to lift my hand to change the channel with the remote let alone type up a blog post.

I'm also super stressed about the big move. I know that once I get there and get working things will be great but right now I'm living in mortal fear that I'm making a massive mistake by quitting my job (with the steady paycheck), and picking up and moving to a city where I don't have a job when I have massive debt and when the economy seems to be headed down rather than up. I have a temp agency lined up but by the time I get up there (1 month from now) there might not be any jobs left. And then I'd really be screwed!!! So I'm massively stressed/freaked out/sick to my stomach about that.

Anyone out there live in Chicago? And know someone who is looking to hire someone in advertising/media/marketing?!

Do you all think I'm insane for picking up and piecing out like this? Before you make your judgment know that I'm a wanderer. I love moving, traveling, and exploring new places. I'm not scared about the city itself or making new friends or anything along those lines. It's just the job/money thing that is really worrying me. My only other options are to a.) Stay in Dallas, continue at my low-paying job where my skills are way under-utilized and continue having to work the 2nd job to make ends meet or b.) move home to Kansas and live rent-free with my parents but have to find another job (to pay my debt down) with the intent to pick up and leave again in no more than a year. Please know that I will be miserable in Kansas. The city that my parents live in is great, if you didn't grow up there. It's one of those cities where most people never leave. You marry someone from high school and the same gossip swirls around. There are very few jobs in advertising and I certainly wouldn't get very far in my career. There is nothing to do other than eat out, drink, or go the movies with the occasional concert or play that might pop up. Everyone is married, or practically married. The guys left that are single are well...less than desirable. And Dallas, well, you read about my feelings on Dallas.

I need an good, honest, unbiased opinion. Do I move? Do I risk the no job thing to get to the city that I love with the hope that something will pop up? Or do I stay here for another year, underpaid, exhausted and partially miserable? Or do I move home and live with the 'rents, pay some bills, but be incredibly miserable and feel hugely unsuccessful for living with my parents at age 25?

Working For..I Mean On..The Weekends

This morning finds me up bright and early (7am!) to work at one of the sister properties of the hotel I currently work at part-time. They were in need of some additional help on the weekends and I am in desperate need of some additional cash, so here I am. Before I got my job at the agency, I worked at a hotel doing guest services. (Which can only be described as a nightmare at best) When I left the hotel for the agency I thought I would never step through the "employee only" doors at a hotel again. Yet with ever increasing debt, and my so-very-tiny paycheck, it became necessary to take on a part time job. Luckily, the hotel I worked at had an opening for a part time operator and they were willing to work with my schedule. So here I am, 1 year later, still working two jobs and so exhausted I'm barely able to function. And still quite poor.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to adjust your living to fit your new income? I took on the second job because I was super tight on money and wanted to pay down some of my debt. Yet with the added income, I found myself splurging more on a nice pair of boots, some dinners out, a new book, etc. Living in Dallas has had a huge impact on my finances. Dallas is home to many a $30,000 millionaire. People living like millionaires (no joke) on credit when they're making $30,000/year. When I first moved down here I got sucked in. I was freshly out of college, on my own with no accountability. My new friends were living the life, having fun, enjoying all the city had to offer and I joined right in.

Now I find myself in the same position I was before. Living paycheck to paycheck, enormous debt and extreme stress about it all. I have to say, being "grown up" is not all it's cracked up to be. So many of my friends are so blessed to have jobs in industries with starting salaries in the $50,000/year range. They're buying new cars, decorating their apartments with amazing stuff, spending lavishly on meals out, and stocking up on the latest fashions like there's no tomorrow. They have NO IDEA what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck. When I mention that I'm low on funds, or that I'm working two jobs, they nod along like they understand saying they're broke too. What I really want to do is punch them in the face and tell them that they're making double what I'm making so they should probably suck it up and enjoy what they've got. Because sadly it will be YEARS before I even come close to that level.

I'm not really complaining, more like venting a frustration. But I do know how lucky I've got it. I'm blessed with a steady paycheck, a nice apartment, good food, good friends, a supportive family and a faith that keeps me grounded. And I definitely appreciate those things. But on days like today, when I'm barely able to keep my eyes open, and I haven't had a day off in a few weeks, it just feels rough.